by Samantha Spitzer
SamAsana.com

This is a story about my spine. Before I lose you, let me assure you this story does have a moral that is worth sticking around for. But the story does begin and end with my spine, and is infused with yoga throughout. What? Here’s the story…

There was a time when I thought yoga was all about the poses. I was keen on pushing my body into advanced postures and figured this would somehow lead me to being a more evolved human being. I quickly discovered that my back had the ability to move into quite deep back bends without much effort. A part of me wondered why something so difficult would come with such ease, and my inner teacher often cautioned me about letting this perceived sense of ease carry me into dangerous territory. But I did not listen. Instead, I continued practicing deep back bends. I became known for these postures. People would tell me they wished to have my back. On several occasions teachers would stop class so other students could view my postures. I went to hot studios so I could let the heat take me deeper. It is clear to me now, upon reflection, that this was all a bit sordid. Ego drove the process, a process that could have had permanently damaging consequences had I not slowed down and allowed my inner teacher to finally speak.

About a year ago my inner teacher told me to stop practicing deep back bends and see what happened. My inner teacher asked, “what if things don’t need to be so extreme?” Cool down. Calm down. Chill out. See what happens.

And with that, my practice became more balanced and gentle. I no longer tried to achieve postures. Instead, I invited each posture to reveal something new. My movement on the outside appeared to have slowed down, but my transformation on the inside flowed to a whole new groove. I discovered that yoga isn’t at all about the postures. The postures reveal and allow us to discover, but they are not the point. I cooled down on the outside and found a whole new heat on the inside. It has been a beautiful journey. Very beautiful.

So, how does this end with my spine? Because a few weeks ago I finally found out the cause of my ability to move into deep back bends — I have a bilateral pars defect in my fifth lumbar vertebra (L5). In extreme layman’s terms, one of my veterbra isn’t fully attached at the bottom. Sure, this allowed my spine more room to bend backwards, but every deep back bend had the potential to push my veterbra into territory that only surgery could restore. If this were to have happened, I would not be able to walk or even rely on basic bodily functions. Even small back bends could cause nerve damage or fractures. This was one of the most empowering and eye-opening lessons of my life.

Yoga has taken me on journeys beyond my wildest dreams. I found myself through yoga. I am learning about my body through yoga. And I am allowing the postures to teach and guide me. You will no longer see me practicing back bends, which as I have finally learned, may be the most advanced yogic move I could make.

I promised a moral to this story. The moral is to please, please, please listen to the voice from within and let her/him guide you through your yoga practice. You do not need heat, extreme postures, calorie-burning, special clothes, promises of “30 days to your personal best” or adoration to practice yoga. You do not need to change who you are to practice yoga. And you never need to enter into dangerous territory to evolve. Please, allow your inner teacher to guide you on your path and take her/his lessons to heart. If my experience has taught me anything, it is that I do not need to be any more or less than what I already am to practice yoga.

The photo above reflects where I am now with my yoga practice. Patient. Content. And open to what finds me. I wish you a safe yoga journey filled with discoveries and transformation.

SAMANTHA SPITZER is a registered yoga teacher who is passionate about introducing yoga to beginners and seeing the spark in their eyes as the path of yoga becomes clear. With her athletic history in competitive swimming, long distance running, sprint triathlons, and indoor rock climbing, she has a special interest in working with athletes. Visit SamAsana.com to learn more about Samantha »

Related Chi: Living the Lessons of Yoga Escape to Yoga The Visual Language of Yoga Fall Chi Quest: Yoga Chandra Krama: Summer Yoga