Gliding Through Dreams to Reality

by Maria DeSilva

I am still euphoric from watching 41 year-old mom Dara Torres receive her silver medal at the Summer Olympics. Think about this: Very few people in this world can call themselves an Olympian. For moms in their 40’s, witnessing one of our ‘sisters’ enjoy that honor makes us feel like Olympians too! I remember the pre-game media coverage Torres received. Watching her shuffle back and forth around her kitchen with her daughter on her hip during interviews helped me to identify with her. I remember shuffling around with Dominique on my hip. I did that. This chick is real!

I sat in front of the television with my mother-in-law over the summer; we both screamed  at the screen like maniacs as Dara pushed through to succeed at the highest level of athletic achievement. I cried because my appreciation of her win runs deep — it means a lot not only for women, but for women ‘of a certain age’. She is 41 years-old and she has an Olympic medal around her neck. I cannot identify with that. I will never perform at a level remotely close to hers. Of the many differences between Dara Torres and myself, one key difference is that she recognized dreams need not stay as such. She worked hard from a young age and changed her dream into reality. I cried because I wish I’d understood that a few decades ago.

It is with this rare and inspirational person in mind that I tell you my story. A life changing moment caused me to learn about that key difference between Dara Torres and myself. My particular moment caused a cascade of events to begin. First, it caused me to stop. I stopped and made the decision that, at 40 years old, I was no longer going to drift off into my dreamland and imagine what it would feel like to figure skate — well (I had tried it once, at 12 and it was a disaster). The dream felt so incredibly good because it was perfection. Through all these years, my dream remained secret. Part of this cascade was that I realized how sad it would be if 20 years from now I look back with regret because I never tried. Once that time passes, opportunity is lost and you are left with your dream. I was not going to let that happen.

Back in the real world I teach the freshman class of an associate degree nursing program in New York. I am married 15 years, and we have an 8 year old daughter. I am just finishing my Master’s degree in Nursing education. I have been a registered nurse 15 years and have been an adrenaline junkie in my career; always working in critical care, trauma, organ transplant, you name it. Outside work, I love physical challenges and fitness. It is my release and my drug. I’ve always been athletic. I run 40 miles a week and participate in 5 half marathons yearly. If asked what motivation fuels me to push through when I hit the wall during a race, I will tell you it is to drift into my dream of skating. So, one day I decided to let my dream go. I decided to find out what it felt like in reality. I had to take the time, make an effort and try. I was petrified because if I failed then my perfect, precious dream would be no more. I could never go back to it. But, there was a chance that I’d be good because of my physical strength and ability. And after all, wouldn’t it be interesting to find out whether it feels as good in reality as it has felt all these years in my heart and mind?

I entered the foreign world of adult figure skating and was pleased to see there are dozens of us who are learning to figure skate or ice dance. I even read about an adult skater from New Jersey in a recent issue of O magazine. I was not alone! The adult learner is unique, especially when physical performance is taught. Adults face physical limitations that children do not have. There is also an inherent fear of injury in adults that is generally absent with children. But make no mistake, there are adults competing in figure skating!

Before embarking on such an adventure, especially involving elements in which you have no knowledge, finding a good teacher is key. Enter my coach, Ken Foster. I began working with him last Spring. I am privileged to call him my coach. Ken is a former British National Champion in Ice Dancing. A rare and inspirational person himself, Ken competed in the 1976 Olympic games, skating with former partner Kay Barsdell. They carved a path for future ice dancers and made history as they competed in the first games where ice dancing was recognized as an Olympic sport. Because of my coach, I am making strides in this beautiful and exhilarating sport I’d never imagined possible. Coaches can do that, you know — make the seemingly impossible suddenly possible. My coach and my entree to this alternate universe changed the course of my life. I still go to work and run my household as I always have. The difference now is that I smile a little more and have a little more pep in my step. I am thankful every day for this opportunity. I am feeling something I’ve always wished to feel; literally for decades. Now I am out there doing it, working hard and learning first hand that it feels so much better in reality than in dreams. I am forever beholden to Ken for leading me through this process. His experience and patience have allowed me to touch what I thought I would never have a chance to touch. Kind of a miracle (for me) really, and through Ken’s guidance and support I walk on water every day…

Dara Torres was interviewed the night her win was televised. She was asked, “What advise would you give to your daughter?” It took no time at all for her answer. “Never let your age get in the way of your dreams.” I stopped. I cried. I get it now. I will look back in 20 years and have a treasure of memories and real feelings that will be precious to me for the rest of my life.

Who was it that coined the phrase “Dare to dream”? Never mind that… I am in the midst of living mine. It feels glorious.